I’ve been telling my partner for months that I’m going to the mall when, in reality, I’m just going back to the office to work. It sounds ridiculous, but the office feels like a place where I can breathe. I know they suspect I’m cheating, and the truth is, I’m not, but how do I even explain this? How do I admit that I prefer spreadsheets, deadlines, and quiet hours at my desk over spending time together? I feel guilty, but not in the way I’m supposed to. I’m not hiding an affair—I’m hiding the fact that I don’t know how to enjoy our time together anymore. I can’t figure out if the problem is our relationship or if it’s me. Am I just avoiding intimacy, or have I lost the ability to connect with anything outside of work? I’m too deep in this lie to even face the truth.
